My stepson Serg recently celebrated a birthday. I wanted this one to be real special. So, with the financial help of my best friend Mr. Snow, we managed to purchase sixty-percent ownership of an up-and coming Spanish soccer team. We moved the squad to America and set up a state-of-the-art training facility. Serg was so excited. He could barely keep his hands off of me for days on end after I had made the purchase. I was excited, too: my best buddy Mr. Snow had all kinds of awesome plans and ideas for the team moving forward. One of those brilliant ideas was to promote the soccer team’s assistant, Coach Patrick, to head coach. Mr. Patrick had quite the backstory. To summarize, he had once been a star of the European Premier League. One fateful evening there occurred a friendly match between the Spaniards and the Australian National Team. In a scandal that rocked the soccer world, Coach Patrick ended up taking half the Aussie squad home for a wild and otherwise filthy, messy, cum-drenched orgy. Unbeknownst to Coach Patrick, the party was filmed on an iPhone and posted online. Coach Patrick was subsequently barred from the League, but luckily found a home in Basque, Spain where a low talent, middling soccer franchise was looking for a new assistant. To everyone and no one's surprise, Coach Patrick helped lead that underdog team to the championship series. This caught the attention of myself and Mr. Snow. We thought maybe a fresh start and the presence of quality role models might do Coach Patrick some good....